The Cluff Family

Friday night Tanner announced to me as we were going to his work Christmas party that he had an early Christmas present to give to me when we got home. I was SO excited because I love surprises and I had no idea what it could be. Well Tanner can't hold on to surprises very long so he told me what it was like 10 minutes later. He surprised me with tickets to the Ballet West Nutcracker for Saturday night. I had been secretly giving him hints that I wanted to go but I really didn't think he would do it... or that maybe he would forget, but no he didn't and the next night we had a lovely evening at the Nutcracker. This was Tanner's first ballet and I think he actually enjoyed it... for the most part. I guess you can't force someone to love something as much as you do. I grew up going to the nutcracker and being in the nutcracker in various ballet productions that it has been a tradition for me that I wanted to share with him especially for our first Christmas together. I know that he did this mostly for me but at least he pretended he enjoyed it and we had a wonderful time. Hopefully I will have daughters that share the same passion for ballet as I do so I can take them someday and give Tanner a break ;). I guess next on the list is a sports game for him. Thanks Tanner for the best Christmas present you could have given me this year. I am one who thinks experiences are way better than receiving material items... especially when those experiences are with those you love.

December is the only month that I can really tolerate the snow and that is because of Christmas. I love Christmas. Tanner and I had fun decorating and putting up our first tree together. We didn't need to buy a single ornament because our moms gave us tons to fill up our tree. It has mostly ballerina and nutcracker ornaments but it is the cutest tree. We also decorated a gingerbread house and it was a project. I didn't realize how messy it can get. Tanner was acting like he was building a real house and took everything very seriously. I accidentally made the frosting very runny but I think it is the best gingerbread house I have ever seen :). The gingerbread kits never give you enough candy but we made it work. I love how festive our apartment looks now and I love coming home from work to see it. Now I have a reason to hibernate in my apartment with my husband and it is not because of the cold. We are planning on going ice skating and to see the lights on temple square so hopefully I'll take some fun pictures. Till then....

I am so happy to be blogging again! Tanner and I suffered for 2 weeks without Internet and I really don't know how we survived without it before. This blog is going to be catch up from Thanksgiving.
We had a very scary drive down to Arizona as you can see... our view was not crisp and clear. We were driving on a sheet of ice all the way to Cedar City and our windshield was impossible to look through. Tanner was freaking out while I stayed calm in the passenger seat. I am just glad that he was driving and not me :). The minute we made it to Arizona, we met his family at a restaurant that the Cluff family loves called El Charro. It is a hole in a wall/Mexican type of restaurant but it is surprisingly really yummy!
The Thanksgiving weekend was so much fun. I loved being with family and being able to relax. I felt like I was able to relax TOO much and didn't feel like I did ANYTHING! Next time I am going to make my mother in law put down her cooking utensil and make me do something! The food was delicious. This was my first time having turkey from a pit in the ground.. WOW it was soooo good. Tanner and I also experienced black Friday for the first time and it was definitely an experience... I'm not sure if I would do it again. We waited for 5 hours outside Target because we wanted to get a 40 inch TV for $300. I didn't think I could freeze to death in Arizona but now I think you can. We were both so cold huddled under 5 blankets patiently waiting till 4AM. We got our TV and we were so excited! It made it all worth it to wait. We also got our first fake Christmas tree and some $1 towels. As I was standing in the huge line, a woman behind me was talking to me for a while. She started talking about how crazy this was and how materialistic she thought black Friday was and I kind of felt stupid with my huge TV and my Christmas tree in my cart. I probably won't be doing it again.... well unless there is something I really need (want ;)).
The next day was a struggle for me as I tried to catch up on sleep but over all the whole vacation was a success. You can never play enough games, or snack on enough pie. I loved my first Thanksgiving with the Cluff's and I look forward to more. Sorry I didn't take any pictures :(

I know it is not after Thanksgiving yet but I just got so excited by buying this wreath early that I wanted to put it up and it makes such a difference. This probably sounds cheesy but every time I pass it I get happy and excited for Christmas. So I am keeping it up until who knows when... maybe the end of January? I am so excited to decorate for the holidays so Thanksgiving... hurry up and come so I can do that! ;)

Tanner and I decided that we wanted to save up and go to New York City next summer since

1. he has never been farther east than Texas and

2. it would just be an awesome trip.

Well... I decided to go to DI and find this blue/green old fashioned jar that I thought looked very dusty and useless. I went home and immediately pulled out my ribbons and crafty supplies and did this to it! Wa lah! Now we have a very cute money jar that we now put any extra dollars we have into it. I was going to donate plasma twice a week up until the trip but it turns out that I can't do that until it has been 6 months of being pregnant... darn! I was upset because I really wanted to make some extra cash during the week to help save up for this fun event and so I desperately searched the internet for ideas... what did I come up with?... donating eggs. Why not? We'll see if that really happens but it was a thought.

Friday night we were festive and went to a Pirate Halloween Party. Tanner hates dressing up and therefor hates halloween but I love it, so sometimes he just needs to pretend he likes it... for me :). We had so much fun though. It was at the mansion of the guy who is producing my sister's movie "Unicorn City." The decorations were very elaborate and there were even pirates playing music. The food was catered from a nice restaurant and Tanner and I couldn't help but snatch the fruit tarts they had every time we passed the dessert table. The house was absolutely gorgeous and I loved walking through it. Someone said that the house cost 26 million! This was a legit Halloween party. I dressed up as a wench while Tanner was a handsome pirate. We were lucky enough to meet everyone in the cast of "Unicorn City" and also watch a screening of it (without the music and special effects). I really enjoyed the movie and am excited for when it comes to the Sundance film festival and even the theaters! At least Tanner and I can say that we celebrated Halloween... and had lots of fun!

Tanner and I feel extremely lucky to be surrounded by such amazing friends. Saturday night, we hung out with our close friends Todd and Maggie. We went and saw their cute apartment and watched an episode of "Dexter" (which I can say I'm not too fond of... too much blood for me). Then we played apples to apples in which I surprisingly did not win... I usually win every time ;). Then we ended off the night by going to Comedy Sports. I am always so impressed by stand up comedians and improvisation. It felt good to laugh really hard (so hard that it hurt) and my husband agreed. A night out with friends was just what we both needed!

Tanner and I try to have date night every week especially since our schedules clash a little bit. We ended up going to Chilies (Tanner's favorite place to eat) and then decided to be creative. I convinced Tanner to take us to Color Me Mine, its a paint-it-yourself ceramics studio. Tanner was embarrassed to be even in there but it ended up being really fun. Tanner didn't finish his mug so he had to come back in by himself and finish it... he didn't like that idea very much. We had so much fun and at the same time I saw how creative my husband really is! I must say that his Dr. Pepper mug looks like a professional painted it! And of course he would choose Dr. Pepper... :)

I finally had enough energy and determination to clean the apartment and after wards I wanted to take pictures :). My favorite part about our new home is the kitchen because it is big (for a Provo apartment). I love to cook and so does Tanner so there is just enough room for both of us to cook together. I also put up a few halloween decorations. This is my FAVORITE time of year so I love decorating, and filling the air with pumpkin pie smells. We have been extremely lucky in the fact that we only had to buy two pieces of furniture which were the kitchen table and chairs (75$) and our couch (200$). We received a lot of decorations from our wedding and I think it is because people knew I loved to decorate but it has been fun finding places for everything in our cute little abode. Now that Tanner works nights, I hardly see him and sometimes find it pointless to make a real dinner but yesterday I made the yummiest broccoli and cheese soup! The recipe is super easy and really delicious... you just have to pretend you don't know what your putting in it ;). Here is the recipe and ENJOY!

2 bunches (about 1 lb) fresh broccoli
1 medium onion, chopped
1/4 cup butter
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup flour
4 cups milk
1 cup chicken broth
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
2 cups grated cheddar cheese

Cook broccoli just until tender. Do not overcook. Drain and cut into small pieces; set aside. Saute chopped onion in the 1/4 cup butter until tender; set aside. In a large saucepan or soup pot prepare a white sauce: melt the 1/2 cup butter over medium heat, then stir in flour until well blended. Gradually stir in milk, chicken broth, and salt. Stir constantly until mixture reaches a boil. Cook 1 to 2 minutes, until thickened. Add broccoli and onion. Stir in cheese. Cook briefly over medium heat. Avoid bringing to a boil. Serve immediately or keep warm over low heat. Makes 6-8 servings. DELICIOUS!! :)

I knew I had a high risk pregnancy with mono-mono twins but I never thought I was the 50% that would have to go through what I have the past couple of weeks. I guess that is what comes with an optimistic personality and a "Pollyanna" mom. I am grateful for the support that I have had from my family and friends. Tanner and I have been through a huge roller coaster that we pray we won't have to go through again.
We figured we should tell people the story so that everyone knows what is going on with us at the moment. The news came on my birthday September 24th, at our 1:00 appointment. I had two Dr. appointments that day, one in the morning with my regular OBGYN, and another one at the hospital later that day. The earlier one went normal, and everything was fine. The second one is where we found out that our sweet babies had a 2% chance of making it. As the doctor was explaining to us what she was seeing I couldn't help but spill emotion as I was trying to comprehend what she was saying. Baby A had a cist in it's bladder and umbilical cord causing the bladder to be huge, not allowing fluid to release. Baby B's heart was failing because it was not getting enough nutrients. They suspect that it could possibly be because they were wrapped around cords but it was hard to tell with the ultrasound. The next option was to wait for the babies inside to die while I went home and tried to live life normally. Two weeks went by and by this time I was supposed to be 14 (almost 15) weeks. At our doctor's appointment on Thursday October 7th we found out that their precious hearts had stopped beating and had measured at only 13 weeks. The doctor then explained our options and I don't remember listening to her which makes me grateful for Tanner who I like to think is much stronger than I am.
The next day (Friday October 8th), I went in for a D&C surgery at 7:30 AM. I left the hospital around 4:30 pm and the surgery went very well. 5 minutes after waking up from Anesthesia I was surrounded with love from my family and my amazing husband.
This experience has brought Tanner and I closer together as we have turned to each other for comfort. I am grateful for the gospel and every day I feel my Heavenly Father as he encompasses me with his love. I can't imagine going through trials like this and not knowing that I have him always there to turn to. I know that Tanner and I will be able to have a family and that now is just not the right time. We are looking forward to our time together to grow as a married couple.
Thank you for the support and tremendous amount of love we have received. Thank you for making our life easier. We love our family and friends so much.

I finally get to share the news that I have been keeping in for a LONG time! Any pregnant woman who has news like this knows how HARD it is to keep it in. Tanner and I wanted to make sure things were ok with the OBGYN before we told everyone and it turns out that we had a few surprises so far.

First of all this pregnancy was the first surprise to us. This was not planned and I was on birth control which is a good warning to all women on birth control that sometimes.. you might want to use double protection and that it is not 100% safe ;). Even though we did not plan this, we are now getting used to the idea of becoming parents and are anxious and excited for our family to start. Our first OBGYN visit was August 27th, where all the extra surprises started piling in. I was excited and a little nervous with stupid thoughts running through my head like, "what if I'm really not pregnant and the stick lied and we look like idiots?" well it turns out that the stick definitely told the truth... I am pregnant and not with one baby but with TWINS.

Since I was unsure of when my last period was, the doctor wanted to do an early ultrasound to figure out our due date. The technician was moving around her ultrasound tools and she said, "do you see what I see?" I was just thinking... um no I can't see anything. She said we had TWO babies in my stomach and not just one (using more technical and smarter words than that). I wish you all could see Tanner's face when he found out. WHAT?! TWINS?! I must admit though that my first initial reaction was pure joy and excitement. I know I use the word excitement a lot but that word really sums up what I am feeling along with the usual worry, nervous, and scared feelings that most pregnant woman go through.

The technician left the room to get the doctor to say some "final words" leaving Tanner and I just so... well EXCITED :). The doctor came in and then dropped the mood in the room rather drastically... she said that she couldn't tell by our ultrasound but it looked like they may be in the same amniotic sac which would mean a high risk pregnancy. I immediately broke down which I am sure these doctors are used to but like all worried moms for their babies... I was scared. We had to wait a whole week before we saw the specialist/parentologist to confirm if they were mono amniotic twins or not. So I had a week of sleepless nights and mood swings... sorry Tanner.

Our appointment was today and the new ultrasound technician did the meanest thing possible without realizing it. She was looking around and said, oh there is two membranes (two sacs)...which immediately lifted my spirits but what she really saw was an umbilical cord and not a dividing membrane. After searching for that stupid membrane dividing the twins she couldn't see anything and finally had the parentologist come in. She did a stomach ultrasound and a vaginal ultrasound. She still could not tell for sure but her gut feeling was that they were for sure mono amniotic twins (sharing the same sac and placenta). Surprisingly I was very calm in the room as the specialist explained to us what we were going to go through for the next 7 months.

I am about 10 weeks now and the twins are about the size of a Lima bean. The good news is that they are both healthy and growing at a normal rate with a healthy heartbeat. They also never like to separate which means that they are already close buddies.

Mono amniotic twins is a high risk pregnancy because of lots of reasons. The main reason is because the babies are in the same sac, their cords can become entangled causing all sorts of problems. Another reason is because they are sharing the same placenta, one baby may hog all the nutrients from the other baby causing abnormal growth in the other. If you are interested in finding out more about mono amniotic twins, you can always research it but those are the two major high risk factors. I found out that I will have to be on bed rest in the hospital shortly after Christmas until I deliver... which means I need visitors to keep me sane! Also they will automatically take them out between 32 and 34 weeks by C-section which means they will be premature by 8 weeks. They will be identical twins.

Wow that is a lot of information and I'm sure I have left some out but that is the gist of it. I am going to the same specialist next week so I will keep everyone updated. As far as how I am feeling... well tired and more tired! I have never felt more tired and incapable in my life. Luckily I have the sweetest husband who understands my craziness. The doctor said I should be experiencing fatigue (check!), depression (check!), constipation (check!) and dizziness (check!). I am praying that in 4 weeks, when my first trimester is over, I will be feeling a whole lot better than I do now.

I am so grateful for the support that Tanner and I have both had during all of this. I am also grateful that I wont have to enter into the hospital until after Christmas. I am mostly grateful that my twin babies are healthy right now and I am going to be praying every day that they stay that way.

SO to sum up everything... I'm pregnant and I'm due April 3rd (but really the middle of Feb)... and we are having TWINS! :)

We are finally leaving Texas and nothing sets the mood better than seeing "toy story clouds" on our drive. It almost symbolizes how excited I am to finally move on to the next thing in my life and how happy I am to see family and friends again. The clouds lasted for about 1/2 of the drive and then quickly turned into a crazy storm that kept me on edge while Tanner was enjoying every second. If there is one thing you should know about me I absolutely hate storms and have been scared of them since I can remember.
We finally rolled into Tanner's circle at 5:30 AM (3:30 AM AZ time). The last three hours of the drive I was probably the most miserable person to be with... sorry Tanner. Lucky for me I have the sweetest husband who understands my emotional moods. Lucky for me that he ALSO drove the WHOLE 18 HOURS!
You want to know the best thing about visiting family is? The minute I woke up, I went to the bathroom and immediately after was embraced with a hug from Cami. I didn't even have a chance to sneak away to get some more zzzzzzzzzzz's before the party started. There is nothing like a family's love. So far our pit stop in Arizona has been amazing. Amazing seems like a simple word in that sentence but really... it was just what I needed. I have been craving to be around people and whats not better than Tanner's family... everyday there are at least 10 people around. It is funny how lounging around, playing cards, playing ball with the nephews and just hanging out can bring such joy to the heart. There is just one simple answer to why that is... family :). I am grateful to be married into such a fun and loving family. There is one more day here in good ole HOT Arizona and I don't want to waste a second. Then its off to Utah...

For the past 3 months this has been my life.. well more like my husband's life. Selling pest control is definitely not the easiest thing in the world and all I can say is that the month of August is crawling by ever so slowly. I try my best to stay positive but it is so hard when I am alone all day, 6 days a week... it can get tough. From this summer experience, I have learned to count my blessings like the fact that I DO get to see my husband every night and the the simple fact that we are both employed when a lot of people in this country are not. I must say that it can also get entertaining when Tanner comes home and tells me crazy funny stories of people on the door. I am impressed by Tanner for getting up every morning to go out in 100 degree weather to knock on people's doors. That is a skill that I know I could never master. I truly am grateful for the hard work Tanner has put into this job this summer. Even though we knew it was temporary... it definitely didn't feel like it during, but we are almost done and anxious to see family and friends again! We both have learned so much about patience, love, service, and hard work this summer. I have enjoyed living in Dallas, as hot as it has been. The people are so friendly and "blessed." I am going to miss walking into the post office and having the clerk say, "have a blessed day Mam." I have grown to love good ole BBQ food and all its deliciousness. In 17 days it is GOODBYE Texas and HELLO Arizona! Can't wait!! :)